Media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption Simon Thomas's wife Gemma died three days after being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia
Sky Sports anchor Simon Thomas has recalled the "horrendous" moment he had to tell his son Ethan that his mother had died.
Thomas's wife, Gemma, died suddenly last year aged 40, three days after she was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia.
"I took [Ethan] upstairs, I sat him on my lap and looked into his eyes," Thomas told BBC Radio 5 live.
"I would never wish this on my worst enemy. You can't dress it up.
"I said you know mummy wasn't well today - I'm afraid mummy's died. And he collapsed onto the floor and the tears... we rolled around the floor together.
"It was horrendous, there's no other way of saying it. But I held him as tight as I could and I kept saying we will be OK, this is the hardest thing we will ever go through."
Image copyright Rex Features Image caption Simon Thomas said his wife Gemma died 'surrounded by family and friends'
In his first in-depth interview since the death of his wife in November, an emotional Thomas described his grief since Gemma's death as "horrific" and "devastating".
"I'd gone - in the space of three days - from being a Dad, from being a husband, to being single," he said.
'I rage at God'
Thomas said that he has struggled with his Christian faith since Gemma's death.
"I rage at God. The first thing I did when I came out of hospital I probably woke up most of the patients there I just screamed at God 'Why? Why have you done this?'" he explained
"Why on earth let Ethan now be a motherless boy? You know it's been hard enough getting him used to the idea he's not going to have a brother or sister, now I've got to help him through life without a mother.
"Some people have said on social media that they let go of Christianity but I'm being honest, I'm clinging on by my fingers."
Thomas also recalled his final words to Gemma in the last hours before she died.
Image copyright PA
"I talked about how we first met, I talked about our wedding day.
"Ethan came in a couple of times and I just said 'Mummy's really ill, just tell her you love her', and that's what he did. He didn't need to know she was on her way.
"I'm glad that she never had to know that she'd never see Ethan again - that would have broken her heart. His last memory of mum will be 'yeah she wasn't well but she looked like mum'."
'Not very good being on my own'
Thomas added that one question eight-year-old Ethan asked him in the aftermath of her death is whether he would consider marrying again.
Asked how he replied, Thomas said: "I'm not going to lie, I have thought about it. I'm not very good at being on my own.
"I had a year living on my own. I don't enjoy my own company. I just don't enjoy being on my own. So I said one day you'll go out and have a job so maybe I will. But I have to find someone who likes me first of all and hopefully loves me."
The former Blue Peter presenter was praised for a blog post published shortly after Gemma's death, in which he said he was feeling broken, fearful, vulnerable and tear-filled.
He told 5 live: "What I've come to understand is in this country we're not very good at talking about grief. Because we don't know how to do it.
"And if you don't, you're like a bottle of Coke that over time just gets gently shaken, gently shaken, until one day, it explodes. A friend of mine said she didn't speak about her mother for five years after she died.
"I said, 'What happened at the end of five years?' She said, 'it was a mess, because everything came flooding out.' And I just knew right from the start from that very first day, I had to talk."
If you, or someone you know, has been affected by bereavement BBC Action Line has details of organisations which can offer advice and support.
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Sky Sports anchor Simon Thomas has said telling his eight-year-old son that his mum had died was "horrendous".
Simon’s wife, Gemma, passed away last November, just three days after being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia.
Speaking to BBC Radio 5 live's Anna Foster, Simon spoke about his grief, and about supporting their son Ethan.
Simon said: “You can’t dress it up, I said ‘mummy’s died’ and he collapsed onto the floor in tears. And we rolled around the floor together, and it was horrendous. I kept saying, we’re going to be ok.”
If you, or someone you know, has been affected by bereavement BBC Action Line has details of organisations which can offer advice and support.
Sky Sports presenter Simon Thomas made an emotional return to the TV screens today as he appeared on This Morning to recall the death of his wife.
Mr Thomas, 45, lived happily in the Berkshire home he shared with his wife Gemma, 40, and their eight-year-old son Ethan until her untimely death in November last year.
Mrs Thomas was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia and died 'surrounded by her family and friends' three days later.
In his first TV appearance since her death - and wearing his wife's wedding ring - he reduced hosts Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield to tears as he spoke about the moment he had to tell Ethan that his mother had died.
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Sky Sports presenter Simon Thomas wore his wife's wedding ring on his finger on the show
In his first TV appearance since her death - and wearing his wife's wedding ring - he reduced hosts Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield to tears as he spoke about the moment he had to tell Ethan that his mother had died
Mr Thomas, 45, lived happily in the Berkshire home he shared with his wife Gemma, 40, and their eight-year-old son Ethan until her untimely death in November last year
Mr Thomas (right) said it was hard for Ethan because he has lost his mother and is an only child
This Morning presenters Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield were reduced to tears in the interview
He told the ITV show: 'I left the hospital. I woke up every patient there and I screamed at God 'why have you left my boy without a mum?'.
'I thought I've got to go home and tell him his mum's gone. What I didn't give him credit for is that kids - they develop so much in 18 months. My heart was pounding. I didn't tell Ethan that she was going, I just told him 'mummy is seriously ill'.
'I took him through and I held him to her ear. He said he loved her and then he went to play with his cousins.
'I thought I've got to tell him so I took him upstairs and looked into his deep brown eyes and said 'Ethan I'm really sorry - they couldn't make mummy better'. And I couldn't dress it up - I said 'mummy's died'.
'He collapsed onto the floor and I did too and I just held him. I rolled on the floor with him. I would never ever wish that on my worst enemy.'
Holly and Phil had to pause the interview for a short after becoming overcome with emotion.
The pair grabbed tissues from the coffee table to wipe their tears away.
Sky Sports presenter Simon Thomas made an emotional return to the TV screens today as he appeared on This Morning to recall the death of his wife
Holly Willoughby was overcome with emotion as Simon Thomas gave his first TV interview following the death of his wife, Gemma
Mr Thomas also revealed he was initially angry with their GP for not spotting the cancer signs earlier.
But last week he met with the doctor to talk it over with him and clear the air.
He said: 'She'd had headaches for a few weeks. I did say a few times to her "this headache is going on for a while and you need to go to the doctor".
'We actually had a joint appointment, mainly for medication for my depression. She came in and I said "look she's been having these headaches for a while, are you worried?"
Mr Thomas (right) said it was especially difficult for their son Ethan, left, who desperately misses his mother, especially during important periods of his life
'And he said - and I completely understand this - "a lot of it is down to the stress as she is stressed about you".
'By the Friday she was really quite bad - and women do ill better than men. But for her to be in bed the whole time was unusual and by Friday she went back to the doctors. He checked her over.
'And I can understand why he didn't think anything was wrong - they were quite general symptoms. She had a headache and felt a bit fluey. But she spent the whole of that weekend in bed.
'And she went back to the doctors on Monday. And I think it's quite important I say this because I had a lot of anger towards our GP initially but I've since sat down with him last week and talked to him.
Mr Thomas said his son really missed his mother when he was a mascot at Norwich FC
'My stomach turned over': Simon Thomas reveals heartbreaking moment his son asked him if he would ever remarry Simon Thomas said his 'stomach turned over' when his young son Ethan asked if he would find love again. During a radio interview Simon Thomas said his 'stomach turned over' when his young son Ethan asked if he would find love again. Mr Thomas told BBC Radio 5 live's Anna Foster: 'I knew we had to have the conversation. I want to give him permission to talk about stuff. 'I'm not going to close the door, because when you close the door bit by bit, the door shuts, then they know they have no one to talk to at home.' When Anna asked how he replied, Mr Thomas said: 'I'm not going to lie. I have thought about it. 'I'm not very good at being on my own. I had a year living on my own. I don't enjoy my own company. I just don't enjoy being on my own. 'So I said, one day you'll go out and have a job, so maybe I will. But I have to find someone who likes me first of all and hopefully loves me.' Mr Thomas, who is the son of a vicar, has found comfort in his faith but is aware he is still in the very early days of mourning. 'I've gone in the space of three days from being a Dad, from being a husband, to being single.' He has recently revealed he had issues with depression and told 5 live that he has found that sharing this information has supported others too. 'I felt I wanted to talk about it, and again - I thought a lot about Ethan, you know, in terms of – I didn't ever attempt to take my life, but as a lot of people do, I thought about it. 'And I came quite close to thinking, how do I do it? So I was aware that Ethan may in years to come see this. But I just felt that this is an area – it's a time bomb.'
'I spoke to Dr Andy here and he told me that had she gone in 24 hours earlier, had he sent her to hospital that Monday - it wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome that happened on the Friday.
'That gave me a sense of weight coming off my shoulders in terms of the doctor. I wanted to sit down with him and say 'what did she say?' because she, being Gemma - which is always putting others before herself - insisted at 9am that morning I went to my councillor for my depression. Even though she had been so ill over the weekend.
'He told me what she said and she never told him that she'd been in bed all weekend. She didn't tell him that she was exhausted walking three steps from our bed to the bathroom.
'Had I been there I would have said that. But I was able to say to him 'I'm sorry that I was angry with you. You were acting on only what you saw and what she told. Look I bear you no grudge' and I gave him a big hug.'
Mr Thomas continued that when they went to hospital, his world came crashing down when she was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia
Mr Thomas was joined by Gemma's consultant Dr Andy Peniket who explained more about the illness
Mr Thomas continued that when they went to hospital, his world came crashing down when she was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia.
'On the Monday night at the Royal Berkshire [hospital]... I fainted. We knew it was a blood cancer of some sort, it's a leukaemia of some sort… we thought we are probably ok, people get better from this. It all cart wheeled quite quickly.'
Mr Thomas took his son to school to try and keep things as normal as possible but while he was travelling back to the Royal Berkshire, he received a text saying she was being transferred to Oxford for immediate treatment.
Mr Thomas admitted this would be tough for himself and his son to move on but when the time is right he is going to raise money for charity in his wife's memory
The couple were then told her chances of survival were 50/50 and she was given chemotherapy.
He said: 'That's a hammer blow. But actually you look at it and think there's 50 per cent chance that she will get better. That's what you go for. It was encouraging. The white blood cell count was coming down.
'My last conversation with her (taking her to the loo), when you hear of people getting ill and being told they have weeks or months to live you have those chances to talk about it to try and at least get your head round it and have those final conversations.
'I never had that. I took her to the loo at 4.30 in the morning, she had been perfectly fine the night before.
'Over that night she became more and more confused. I put her back in to bed at about 4.30am.
'That was the last time I spoke to her. I thought she was going to sleep but as I found out she was falling unconscious and I never had the chance to even say goodbye.'
He concluded: 'Plan A was shredded. I'm just trying to work out how to say goodbye to Plan A. How do you move on? You can't just move on. There is so much to process. When I'm ready to move on… then I'll look at Plan B.'
Ethan Thomas with his mother Gemma in a picture posted online by Simon - Gemma tragically died of leukaemia last November
He added some people didn't know what to say to him in the aftermath.
He said: 'Some don't want to get it wrong, so they stay quiet. I wanted to let people know.'
Mr Thomas admitted this would be tough for himself and his son to move on but when the time is right he is going to raise money for charity in his wife's memory.
'I have to do something in the memory of Gemma.'
Mr Thomas was joined by Gemma's consultant Dr Andy Peniket who explained more about the illness.
Gemma Peters, chief executive of Bloodwise, added: 'We are so grateful to Simon for sharing his personal story to raise awareness of blood cancer.
'Acute myeloid leukaemia is a highly aggressive type of blood cancer which often develops rapidly. Survival rates remain unacceptably low in the UK with only 15% of patients surviving for 5 years, and so early diagnosis is absolutely crucial.
'Despite being the 5th most common cancer and 3rd biggest cause of cancer deaths, public awareness of blood cancer remains dangerously low.
'Yet given blood cancer claims more lives each year than either breast or prostate cancer, it is vital that GPs and the public improve their understanding of potential symptoms, and that research and clinical trials to find new treatments are fully supported.
'Awareness initiatives, GP education, and ongoing investment in research were key recommendations proposed last month by MPs on the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Blood Cancer.
'Bloodwise will continue to work closely with politicians, NHS decision makers, and professional health bodies to ensure early diagnosis and increased public awareness remain at the top of the blood cancer agenda.'
GEMMA Thomas was the wife of Sky Sports presenter and ex Blue Peter host Simon.
She tragically died in November 2017, just three days after being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia.
Instagram / Simon Thomas Simon Thomas' wife Gemma died from cancer last year
Who was Simon Thomas’ wife Gemma and when did she pass away?
Gemma was the wife of TV star Simon Thomas. They married in 2005 and had a son called Ethan.
She studied at the University of Sheffield before going on to work at the electoral commission.
The mum-of-one passed away when she was just 40 years old, three days after she was diagnosed with blood cancer when she went to the GP after feeling unwell.
She began chemotherapy and despite initially responding well, her condition deteriorated and on November 24 2017 she passed away.Their son Ethan was eight at the time.
Universal News & Sport (Europe) She had a son called Ethan with the TV presenter
What is acute myeloid leukaemia?
Leukaemia is cancer of the white blood cells – acute leukaemia is when it progresses rapidly and aggressively.
In Gemma’s case it was affecting her myeloid cells. These perform a number of different functions, such as fighting bacterial infections, defending the body against parasites and preventing the spread of tissue damage.
Acute myeloid leukaemia is extremely rare with around 650 people diagnosed with it in the UK each year.
It usually starts slowing before becoming severe very quickly. Symptoms include pale skin, feeling tired and repeat infections over a short space of time.
Rex Features Simon has used social media to deal with his grief
What has Simon said about her death?
Simon has been using social media to help himself deal with his grief as he raises his son alone.
On February 27 he appeared on This Morning to describe the heart-breaking moment he told his son his mum had died – leaving Holly Willoughby in tears.
He told them: "I think I woke up every one [in the hospital] as I screamed. I screamed to God saying: 'Why have you left my son without my mum?'
"I got home [afterwards] and grabbed him and looked deep into his brown eyes and said: 'They couldn't make mummy better'.
"You can't dress it up. I said: 'Mummy's died'.
"He collapsed on the floor and I collapsed there with him...
"He's been dealt a tough break in life at the age of eight, he's lost his mum already."
