‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the floor
Not a creature was stirring, not even the R4;
The pager that clung to my waistband was still,
Providing a much-needed respite from the chronically ill;
The patients were nestled all snug in their beds;
While opioid-induced visions danced in their heads;
And I in my white coat, my scrubs looking like crap,
Had returned to the call room in hope of a nap,
When out on the floor there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my cot to see what was the matter.
Away to the wards I rushed without thought,
Wondering what new trouble this cold night had brought.
The nurses were rushing out from a room;
Sinking my stomach as my mind filled with doom.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a flash of white and a recognizable beard,
With a voice that I knew, but still gave me pause,
And wide-eyed, I greeted the attending, Dr. Claus.
He wrote a new order for a patient in pain,
And sensing my confusion, he began to explain:
“Now, doctor, come now, don’t look so surprised
sometimes I check on my patients to ensure they’re alive!
I’ll put in an order, d/c a med, and do a pap smear!
I just get so caught up in the holiday cheer!”
And with that he rushed off to fill patients with hope,
But not before borrowing my stethoscope;
I followed behind, slowly, and kept him in view,
I had a coat full of lists, but nothing to do—
And then, with such beeping, my pager went off,
A lady down in the ED had come in with a cough.
As I hung up the phone, and was turning around,
Down the staircase Dr. Claus went with a bound.
By the time I made it to the patient’s bedside,
He was already halfway through his HPI;
He was pushing on her belly and squeezing her toe,
He looked in her ear and he consulted Ortho.
His differential—how it grew! His orders, how thorough!
He stroked his white beard, his eyebrows like a furrow!
He ordered 10 labs then he ordered some more,
Put in a Foley himself and admitted her to the floor;
The back of his pen he held tight in his teeth,
My stethoscope encircling his neck like a wreath;
He checked back with Epic every minute or three
Awaiting the results of the CBC.
He was lost in the chase, that elusive ‘ol doc
And I liked watching him work (once over the shock);
He gave me a wink while writing his note,
And reached over to pat on the back of my coat;
When the labs trickled in, he let out a shout,
“Aha! Of course! Just a bad case of gout!”
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up to the med floor he rose;
He sprang to her room to give her the plan,
And then as quick as he came, disappeared like batman
But I heard him exclaim, as he flew down the hall—
“Don’t phone me this Christmas, I’m no longer on call!”
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the net,
Not a trader was trading, not even a small altcoin bet.
The sell orders were posted on exchanges with care,
In hopes that a Bull Rally would soon be there.
With all the traders nestled comfy in their beds,
Vivid visions of lambos dancing in their heads,
I settled into my comfy recliner with my phone
Determined to finally read Reddit alone.
My eyes scanned all the FUD dispersed.
I'm selling low now and saving my purse!
Away to the exchange I flew like a flash,
Checked the charts and counted my cash.
To the moon, I thought, forgetting falling snow,
I placed a SELL order in case LTC fell far below,
HODL, HODL, HODL, I thought, at least until New Year,
By then four-figures, curse that big brawny bear!
With Joy in my heart, and my coin stack high,
I watched the charts as Christmas Eve flew by.
This is all I need, just a little more money,
Come on, Coinbase, going down is not funny!
The dips, the rallies, the supports, the fees,
What to expect from this crypto currency?
Refresh the subreddit and check the discord;
Should I keep HODLing or cut the damn cord?
All of a sudden, as I dozed on my recliner
The trend line shot down, a real red-liner!
My eyes flew open, my heart skipped a beat.
If we lose all this money, how will we eat?
The wife snored on the couch, blissfully unaware,
As I stared at the screen, cursing the xmas bear.
Come on, Coinbase, don't fail me now.
Process this order, you slow, fat sow!
Before I hit the button, to send my order away,
The cat jumped on my lap, and knocked over the tray!
My phone tumbled to the floor as I screamed in fear
The wife woke up and said, "What's going on in here?"
"LTC is dropping, and I don't think it's a dip."
"You're ruining my Christmas. We can't take another hit!"
"I put in a sell order, but the cat jumped in my lap."
"All of this happened while I was taking a nap?"
I grabbed the laptop with dread in my heart,
All I needed was to see the damn charts.
I stared at the screen in utter shock and dismay;
Sell went through, but I should've held one more day.
"Did you manage to sell that crypto coin trash?"
I smiled as I sat down, flush with more cash.
"We're okay for now, but I feel another flash sale coming.
Do you mind if I keep our litecoin stack humming?"
Wifey stood and shook her head.
"I don't care, I'm going to bed."
As she slept peacefully upstairs,
I put in the work of a crypto-billionaire.
Hours later, as I dozed off to sleep,
I counted my coins like good little sheep,
Giving them names like Comet and Prancer.
Happy HODL-days - the cat was the ultimate answer...
