Sick of Slade? Made miserable by Mariah Carey? We've got your back with a suitably seasonal and yet alternative playlist of the best Christmas songs of all time, from Stormzy's "Xmas Shut up" to Frank Sinatra's “Whatever Happened To Christmas?”, as chosen by the Editors of GQ. Work your way through this today and concentrate on eating and drinking yourself into a merry slumber and save the family arguments for something other than the soundtrack...
"The Road To Hell" by Chris Rea
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"I always play this on my way to visit my step family. First song on the M4 playlist. Volume 30, fan on for dramatic effect." Grace Gilfeather, Fashion Editor
"Merry Christmas Baby" by Otis Redding
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"No one sings like Otis, with just the right shade of sad and happy at the same time. Pour a port (or Bellini in the morning) and put this on on the 25th. You won't regret it." Paul Henderson, Associate Editor
"Xmas Shut Up" by Stormzy
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"Stormzy's special Christmas mash up for BBC Radio 1Xtra from 2015 is without a doubt the seasonal song that's brought the most cheer to GQ HQ this year. His repeated references to "my young Elves" and the line "where do you know me from? North Pole" are particularly memorable." Eleanor Halls, Staff Writer
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“Whatever Happened To Christmas?” by Frank Sinatra
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"The best Christmas song ever is “Whatever Happened To Christmas?” Written by Jimmy Webb and performed by Frank Sinatra, it is unusually both a torch song dedicated to the season of good cheer and a reflective meditation on the emotional aftermath of all that festive fun. Save it up for Boxing Day and crack open a box of Kleenex." Bill Prince, Deputy Editor
Fairytale of New York by The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl
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"This song manages to seem uplifting despite the fact that if you actually listen to the lyrics, it's the most depressing song ever written. It starts off with a man in a drunk tank saying he won't live to see another Christmas!" Stuart McGurk, Senior Commissioning Editor
Why Christmas songs are the best part of the festive season Christmas Why Christmas songs are the best part of the festive season
"Rockin' Robin" by Bobby Day
"Best Christmas song hands down, always a winning choice to get the party started." Carlotta Constant, Junior Fashion Editor
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"8 Days Of Christmas" by Destiny's Child
"While this does admittedly err dangerously close to Mariah Carey territory, Destiny's Child's rendition of the classic song never fails to get everyone up and dancing on Christmas evening." Kathleen Johnston, Social Content Editor
"New Year's Resolution" by Otis Redding & Carla Thomas
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"Two amazing voices, simple but stirring lyrics: a moment of calm in the festive insanity before you move on to yet another year. “Let’s turn over a new leaf, and baby let’s make promises that we can keep, and call it a New Year’s Resolution.” Spin and savour." Becky Lucas, Insight and Strategy Editor
"Blue Christmas" by Bright Eyes
"Not the cheeriest, but there's something quite comforting about playing a song about a broken heart on Christmas day, between all the Mariah and Slade." Anna Conrad, News and Features Editor
"Keeping the Dream Alive" by Münchener Freiheit
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"Keeping the Dream Alive by Münchener Freiheit, or just Freiheit as they were known in Britain, was a sleeper hit in the UK in 1988. It has nothing to do with Christmas, but is now widely regarded as a de facto Christmas song. It’s a sickly Euro synth-pop dollop of nonsense, but oddly uplifting. They had massive hair and hoped for a better tomorrow. You had to be there, I guess…" George Chesterton, Managing Editor
"My Only Wish (This Year)" by Britney Spears
"A early 00s bubblegum teen bop from the princess of pop- what’s not to love?"Angelo Mitakos, Fashion Assistant at GQ Style
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"A Snowflake Fell (And It Felt Like A Kiss)" by Glasvegas
"With sleigh bells on every track and gems including "Please Come Back Home", this entire EP is properly Christmassy." Aaron Callow, Chief Sub Editor
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14 albums to love from 2017
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People love Christmas songs, but if you think too long about them, some of them have some questionable lyrics and ideas. Holiday songs can make you insane when they fill your ears non-stop, but they can also drive you crazy when you over think things. After reading the following Tweets, you may not see your favorite Christmas songs the same way again.
1.
Have yourself a merry little christmas sounds pretty condescending — kid block (@senderblock23) December 11, 2014
2.
"I don't want a lot for Christmas."
Later...
"All I want for Christmas is you."
EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH. — Sacha Fernando (@sacha_is_good) December 14, 2014
3.
*Flicks cigarette after a long drag* Here's the thing. If Santa knows when kids are naughty or nice then he knew Rudolph was being bullied — Boog (@BoogTweets) December 8, 2017
4.
now he’s making a list and he’s checking it twice and he’s gonna find out if you’re naughty or nice. now they’re going to bed and my stomach is sick and it’s all in my head — festive fiona 🎄 (@neonfiona) December 7, 2017
5.
ITS DECEMBER, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS pic.twitter.com/NEbCXzn1xa — ookay ! (@Ookay) December 2, 2017
6.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite Christmas story about how Santa's reindeer are bigots until they need someones help. — elizabeth williams (@Elizasoul80) December 17, 2016
7.
Here comes Dracula
Here comes Dracula
Right down...SANTA CLAUS LANE??!! — Joe Rumrill (@2tonbug) December 7, 2017
8.
...all the reindeer used to laugh and call him names...so he killed them. All of them. pic.twitter.com/9YhY0zVSr1 — Christian (@dolantalks) November 9, 2017
9.
you better watch out 🎅 you better watch out 🎅 you better watch out 🎅 you better watch out 🎅 you bETTER WATCH OUT 🎅 YOU BETTER WATCH OUT 🎅 YOU BETTER WATCH OUT 🎅 YOU BETTER WATCH OUT 🎅 — ari @ KYLO BROUGHT ME BACK TO LIFE (@ohmywingels) November 29, 2017
10.
We Wish You A Merry Christmas is my favorite because it's like 'I hope you have a good holiday now give me some pudding or I'm not leaving'. — spacegirl (@iamspacegirl) December 4, 2016
11.
Up on the rooftop, click click click /
Click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click / down through the chimney with
M I L L I P E D E S — Inceltic Frost (@jephjacques) December 8, 2017
12.
I wrote a new christmas song called "I'm also horny for you, lady". basically it's santas response to the lady that sings "santa baby" — slick (@dlicj) December 6, 2014
13.
🎶oh Christmas tree, oh christmas tree🎶
Christmas tree: I have a boyfriend — Meryl Streepmas (@pharmasean) December 21, 2014
14.
On the 13th day of Christmas, my true love said to me, "I think I might be a hoarder." — Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) December 18, 2012
15.
All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you — The Grinch (@TheGrinch2000) December 23, 2017
16.
Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you(r HBO GO password). — braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) December 12, 2014
17.
I have been seeing people criticizing that Paul McCartney Christmas song ("Wonderful Christmas Time") online this week and didn't think much of it until I heard the song again this morning and I now realize the song is an atrocious monstrosity and every note is sheer agony — 🇺🇸Bill Oakley🇺🇸 (@thatbilloakley) December 18, 2017
18.
the real subtext of “baby it’s cold outside” is that she knows she will turn into a werewolf soon — Kris Straub (@krisstraub) December 21, 2017
19.
Me: Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet
Jingle around the clock
Mix and a-mingle in the jingling beat
That's the jingle bell,
That's the jingle bell,
That's the jingle bell rock
Police sketch artist: . . .what? — mark the herald angels sing (@markhoppus) December 24, 2017
20.
If you have to go both over the river and through the woods to get to grandma’s house, there’s a good chance she doesn’t want company. — John Mayer (@JohnMayer) December 24, 2017
21.
*Werner Herzog voice*
The drama lies not in the fact that the child sees her mother kissing Santa Claus, but in the choice that the mother now confronts: admitting either that Santa is a lie or that love is a lie. — isi litke (@isilitke) December 24, 2017
22.
